Hormones And Relationships

I was thinking the other day about the study showing that long term use of the birth control pill eliminates a woman’s ability to pick the best biological mate for her based on natural biology...aka pheromones.  If you haven’t read about this, you really should, after all, 10.6 million women per year take the pill...and not all for contraception.

Currently, the pill is prescribed for skin disorders, hormonal balancing, and mood issues just to name a few non-contraceptive related conditions.

So, back to the study, the Birth Control Pill ruins our ability to pick a mate….

Now, I am not sure about you, but I have to ask….shouldn’t we all be a bit concerned about that?

How many marriages are started by people who met while the woman was on the pill?  I know I took it on and off from 15 to 20 or so.

Now, the pill is just one factor, but reading about it's impact raises the next most essential question...

How many relationships are being dictated and possibly even ruined by hormonal conditions?

Seriously, almost every menopausal and perimenopausal woman I speak to is feeling unloved, unfulfilled, has a low libido, is snapping at their spouse, and doesn't’ really feel sexy.  

If that doesn’t spell relationship issues, I don’t know what does! 

It’s not just marriages either, it is friendships, work relationships, how we relate to our neighbors, and even how we act while driving down the street.  

So, let me ask you…

Are you showing up in those relationships the way you want to?

Are you feeling heard and loved and helped?

Or are you feeling taken advantage of, taken for granted, and unseen?

Now, let me ask, is it possible that due to exhaustion, due to your body being out of balance, out of sorts, and being a bit disconnected from your best, that you are not connecting in those relationships as your best and in the process helping maintain that scenario?

See, when we get so worn down, our beliefs shift in the process, and as we feel more tired, more victimized, more ignored and taken for granted, sadly, we often get more of the same.

Truth is, what we believe isn't necessarily true or untrue. It's just based off of what we can find reference points for and when we are worn out, worn down, and feeling stuck, very often, we lose our ability to choose based on a broad view and thus actually change our perspective.

Living this way locks us into patterns and beliefs that leave us stunted in our potential growth. Here, we end up unhappy because our lifeforce gets eaten up by what we want but don't have and what we feel but don’t express and what we need but don’t say….because we are too tired to advocate for ourselves.

Eventually, this turns into the: “I don’t have my life because of _________________”  for some people it’s because of my family history, for others because of my husband’s habits, still for others because of my stressful job and what people expect of me.  Regardless, we collect reasons and meanings for what we are experiencing and the more exhausted we get, the deeper it gets.

Sadly, worn-out people rarely change their perspective.  In fact, we end up adopting whole sets of behaviors and emotional reactions and thought processes related to what we believe to be true, and if we're exhausted, here's what likely starts to happen.

We have a whole life built on:

I can't believe they did that.

Don't they understand how tired I am?

I guess I just have to do it all again.

I guess this is all on me

Then, in marriages, this turns into:

Don't touch me

Leave me alone

Can't you see? I just want to watch TV.

And the thing is that's not just a thought process...it's a cellular response 

If you have uttered those words, think about where you feel them. For a lot of people, it's deep in the gut or in the back or in the neck.  These emotions are part of complex physical responses which are further propagating the beliefs behind them and re-creating the scenarios over and over.  Yet still, most people never realize it is all rooted in the exhaustion we feel but rarely acknowledge and all of its offshoots: hormones, inflammation, weight, pain, and misery.

Truth is,  if you don't have the energy to change the pattern, you can end up spending a huge amount of time getting stuck right where you're at because honestly in an exhausted state, the odds of you choosing to really change the pattern are close to zero because change needs fuel.

To give an analogy….trying to change patterns which are rooted in exhaustion without healing the exhaustion is a lot like not eating and continually going to the gym and then saying: where's my muscle?

So we end up trying and yet spinning our wheels, lacking momentum and ultimately living:

Tired and no longer feeling connected

Worn down and no longer wanting intimacy

Overwhelmed and suddenly nothing’s right

The more we live from this place, the bigger this gets, that exhausted person inside us starts to color all of our experiences with other people and we end up in:

“Guess I will do it all….AGAIN”

“I guess no one cares”

The deeper we get into this state, the more those around us see us as:

Demanding

Angry

Cranky

Hormonal

Cold

Mean

Distant

These impressions emanate off of us like a vibration and then we can't embody this space of receiving love, receiving help, receiving compassion.

I lived here at one time, until someone said to me: “you don’t let people love you, or care for you because you are always stuck in stress mode and exhaustion”

That stung.

But then I saw, I had the belief it was all on me, the whole world was on me, and as a result, I was working harder than I needed to and not accepting help and then in the process leaving myself deeper into the pit.  As a result, I was pushing my husband away and pushing my kids away because I was always too stressed to be present.

Then I started to ask….

What would it be like to change that?

How much would it change my life to get fueled, centered, experience love, help, and to open myself to the service of others AND live fully nourished?

Hormonal systems are ruled by what is available...energy, substrates of hormones, components of good glandular function, and emotional balance...they all need nutrients, food, rest, detoxification, kind words, proper direction and, quite honestly, recognition of just how much they do for us.  If that’s not there the wheels will just keep spinning.

So…

How are your relationships?  

Are they structured around your beliefs that it all has to be you?

Are they running on fumes because that is all you have to give?

Are they needing a reboot...some better nourishment...some fun...some joy?

Well, what if restoring you is the exact thing those relationships have been waiting for?

YOU are the essential component in all avenues of your joy, love, and experience, which means, there is nothing more key than YOU right now.

Love and Blessings

Dr. Julie

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